Parents won't accept us moving to Oz

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Parents won't accept us moving to Oz


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Old 04-27-2013, 06:18 PM
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Parents won't accept us moving to Oz

Hi

I guess I want someone to tell me I'm doing the right thing. My husband has his dream job in Sydney, an offer we couldn't refuse. He's there now. We are going to follow when my sons visa comes through. The problem is my mother. She will not accept it. My dad died in July last year and she is 77 and on her own without any other children. I feel so bad and have spent hours and hours trying to make a decision. My husband feels that we have to make the decision for our children and that she has had her life and can visit. We have lots of things in place for her if she wants to support us, I can fly back to the UK (paid for) and collect her for visits to us up to 3 times per year (she is unfamiliar with air travel). She has a tablet for Skype, she can get to the supermarket. The problem is she is not very independent, doesn't drive, is not good at making friends although we have a strong community for older people where we live, and has relied on my dad and then me to do things for her. it's almost like she doesn't want to be independent because it's hard work. She has said that when we go it will be goodbye for good and she could never do the long flight. The emotional blackmail is terrible, she even said to my 10 yr old that he wouldn't be able to see her if he went and what about if he didn't like his new school? The kids will all have a private education which we couldn't afford in the UK plus lots of other things I won't go into. I feel we need to give it a shot but I so wish my mum would understand and try to be part of it. Any advice appreciated.

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Old 04-27-2013, 06:43 PM
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Sometimes it's harder to do what's right for you then it is to do what the people you love want you to do. If you really think Oz is what's best, then you have to stick to your guns.

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Old 04-27-2013, 08:06 PM
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This is probably the nightmare situation for any expat looking to move to pastures new. I think you need to try and site down with you mother and explain that she means everything to you but this is something you need to do for your family for the future.

The danger here is that you don't go and it puts pressure on your marriage but if you go you will always wonder if you did the right thing. I hope it all works out but I would say that you need to be selfish and think of yourself sometimes. Skype, direct flights, etc are relatively cheap these days so that should n't really be a major problem.

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Old 04-27-2013, 08:15 PM
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You could always start the process to apply for her immigration as well... I think that takes a long time because its capped... But you could at least offer it.

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Old 04-27-2013, 08:18 PM
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Hi Jmcd

That is a great idea as the members mother will feel more involved.


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Old 04-28-2013, 05:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jmcd16 View Post
You could always start the process to apply for her immigration as well... I think that takes a long time because its capped... But you could at least offer it.
Not an option, she says she won't visit let alone move there, I can't even persaude her to apply for a passport. Whenever I raise the subject or if my son does she clams up and changes the subject.


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Old 04-28-2013, 06:56 AM
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Look sometimes a time comes when you need to start thinking about yourself and your family. It seems to me you gave her numerous options, support and got nothing back.

Parents need to realize that they can't always control their children and that they need to be flexible.

This is not an immigration advice

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Old 04-28-2013, 09:59 AM
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Anitalund, Oh my you are going through this emotional pull that i am still going through, i actually did make the move to Australia 8 weeks ago. Although im finding it hard i am persevering with the move.

Both my parents decided that they wanted to move to Malta where im from so they upped sticks from the UK and they moved in the apartment which was built for them above me, now although we didnt live in each others pockets my parents were reliant on me for certain things, ok new country not sure of the places to go to ect ect, so when the time came for me to inform them i was moving to Australia it was as if i had swept the floor from under there feet, they were devastated, i had the " we only came here for you bla bla bla", plus i had what "would we do if something went wrong were would we go," Huni i know what your going through as i had it and im still receiving it, My parents for the last 7 weeks before my departure didnt speak to me at all they totally cut themselves off from me, the day we flew out i went up to say goodbye and they,d left in the morning they hadnt even said goodbye to me they just didnt bother, My mum ( i later found out) had informed the tenant that without us there she cannot cope, my tenant informed me that she is down depressed ect, i checked this information and more people have confirmed this. The thing is i know my mum is using emotional blackmail toward me, i know she wants me there to benefit her needs not mine hers, i feel like crap every day here because i dont stop worrying about my parents, i think of me leaving them there alone even though i know she has friends i still feel like crap, and to be honest i put this down to the reason i cannot settle here, i just feel lousy i cannot enjoy myself in Australia because i know that 27 hours away is my parents sulking, the worst of it is my mother was in the same situation years and years ago she could have come over to Australia but because of her mother she didnt, i know she holds it against her but she didnt make the move she says because she knew it wasnt fair. Now thats suppose to make me feel good, honey its hard its very hard, you will feel sad depressed even when you come but only you can make the right choice, if i was you i would suggest splitting the months maybe 3 months here and 1 month in the UK with your mum, even suggest staying with her for the 1 month and see how she has coped in the 3 months your here, if you find her well then you know she will be fine if not then you have to re think your plans maybe. Give it a go even just for the first few months.
Good luck
If you want a private chat them pm me i really know what your going through.

Louiseb

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Old 04-28-2013, 12:01 PM
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The brutal reality is... time to grow up and steer your own life into the direction you chose and not what your parents would like you to choose.

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Old 04-28-2013, 01:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dexter View Post
The brutal reality is... time to grow up and steer your own life into the direction you chose and not what your parents would like you to choose.
I couldnt agree more Dexter hence i moved here, but my heart aches i feel as though i have left them both in limbo, i dont want to upset my husband by telling him i want to go home after all the money we have spent trying to get here lol, but my heart is heavy with the thoughts of "what if" i do miss them terrible even though i didnt get on with my mum i miss her and my father terribly.

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