Moving Dilemma

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Moving Dilemma


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Old 05-14-2013, 07:06 PM
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Hey all,

So I am from the US and I applied for an offshore partner visa (309/100), which was lodged in DC April 19. The average processing time for these types of visas is 5-12 months and I saw a lot of people in these forums had been waiting a lot longer than 5 months for any news at all, never mind a grant, so you can imagine my shock when my visa was granted on May 8. Now, don't get me wrong, I feel very lucky, I am incredibly excited and I cannot wait to be with my partner - but that quick decision really threw a wrench in my timeline.

I wanted to hope for the best but realistically prepare myself for the worst, and I truly imagined myself being stuck in the US until at least September. I told everyone I know that I'd likely be waiting months and months, and now they are all in shock too that the decision has come so soon. My boss knew I was applying for a visa but thought the decision wouldn't come for months, so I had a job lined up with her through the end of August - which I already backed out of, and my boss was happy for me. My girl friends, who are already devo that I am moving, thought that I would be here for the entire summer, including one of their birthdays, and they are busy with graduations atm - so I haven't even broke the news yet. My birthday is in July, and I'm sure my parents want me to stay for it - they keep asking for a decision on when I am leaving and I just don't know yet. And my brother is competing at a high level in sports and has a few important competitions coming up in the next few months - he's content whether I come or not but I still feel like I should go.

I knew I would feel guilty about leaving whenever I left - no matter how long the process took, but this has complicated everything. The sooner I leave, the sadder they will be, and I don't want to disappoint them more than I have to. The earliest I could realistically leave would be the end of June because of my current job, but leaving at that time would mean being in australia for my birthday, my best friends birthday, and my brother's competitions. The thing is.... Part of me does want to leave in June. Prt of me even wants to leave tomorrow even though I can't. I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 3 years and we have been together in the same place for less than half of that time; I know that I will be spending the rest of my life with him, so I shouldn't feel rushed - but I do. I want to be there already and continue our life together. I'm not happy at "home" in the US and I've been struggling since I returned from Australia in September of last year. I feel my life is stagnating here in that there is no way for me to move forward career or relationship wise.

Am I awful for wanting to leave my friends and family so quickly? Should I suck it up and stay with them longer? What do I do?

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Last edited by queliwantstogo; 05-14-2013 at 07:11 PM.

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Old 05-14-2013, 07:37 PM
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Im sure they would understand if you will leave sooner. You cant please everybody and if it were me I would leave as soon as I could. On the other hand a couple more months wouldn't hurt, but really what is the point of trying to make everyone happy when all you can think of is leaving.


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Old 05-14-2013, 08:02 PM
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"I feel my life is stagnating here"

I know exactly how you feel. It's like I've been treading water for the last 2 years. Everything has gone on hold, waiting first to have enough evidence to apply, and now for the visa to be assessed. Do you find yourself not making ANY connections with new people? I can't seem to make an effort anymore - it's too temporary. Everything is a fog. It's just one foot in front of the other, one day after the next, just make it through.

But I get your dilemma with the family. Mine are the same. At least I made it very clear the whole time that the visa could come tomorrow, or in a year. So as not to let anyone get too used to having me around... My brother is 7, he is the hardest part of all this. Last time I came home he used to hang on my legs and not let me out the door - even just to make a phone call in privacy on the deck.

My partner keeps telling me that I need to think about this time as precious -- forget about his absence and my torture of not knowing and think instead about making up for (past and future) lost time with my family. The reality is, it's a LONG, EXPENSIVE trip between the states and Oz. I know my family can't really afford it, and I don't know when the next time I will see them is going to be.

So, while I completely understand those "leave tomorrow" moments... don't forget about those moments where you had your partner but missed your family.

Maybe meet somewhere in the middle? There are some cheap deals to Oz in August -- I've been looking

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Old 05-14-2013, 08:03 PM
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Originally Posted by cheesygarcia View Post
Im sure they would understand if you will leave sooner. You cant please everybody and if it were me I would leave as soon as I could. On the other hand a couple more months wouldn't hurt, but really what is the point of trying to make everyone happy when all you can think of is leaving.
Thanks, cheesy. Another factor is that my partner has a month off of school from the end of June to the end of July, and I don't want to miss spending at least some of that free time with him. I will have to find some middle ground between it all. I still don't know. :/ I agree it doesn't make sense for me to stay to make others happy if I'm miserable, but I guess I have always been that self sacrificing kind of person.

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Old 05-14-2013, 08:18 PM
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Originally Posted by jmcd16 View Post
"I feel my life is stagnating here"

I know exactly how you feel. It's like I've been treading water for the last 2 years. Everything has gone on hold, waiting first to have enough evidence to apply, and now for the visa to be assessed. Do you find yourself not making ANY connections with new people? I can't seem to make an effort anymore - it's too temporary. Everything is a fog. It's just one foot in front of the other, one day after the next, just make it through.

But I get your dilemma with the family. Mine are the same. At least I made it very clear the whole time that the visa could come tomorrow, or in a year. So as not to let anyone get too used to having me around... My brother is 7, he is the hardest part of all this. Last time I came home he used to hang on my legs and not let me out the door - even just to make a phone call in privacy on the deck.

My partner keeps telling me that I need to think about this time as precious -- forget about his absence and my torture of not knowing and think instead about making up for (past and future) lost time with my family. The reality is, it's a LONG, EXPENSIVE trip between the states and Oz. I know my family can't really afford it, and I don't know when the next time I will see them is going to be.

So, while I completely get understand those "leave tomorrow" moments... don't forget about those moments where you had your partner but missed your family.

Maybe meet somewhere in the middle? There are some cheap deals to Oz in August -- I've been looking
Hey jmcd,

Thanks a lot for this message. I wouldn't wish the difficulties of this process on anyone, and I do recognize that I am a lot luckier than others in many ways because the entire process is unfair; but at the same time, I am so glad that I am not the only one feeling this way. I live with my parents because I wanted to save money and did not want to be locked into a lease, and my mum makes a point of telling me every once in a while that she is worried I am "just treading water". I find it incredibly difficult to make connections with people; I am good with small talk at work but terrible at it with people I care about. I know, to some degree, that I shouldn't feel guilty for leaving and I know the people I care about that truly care about me will only want me to be happy - but despite that understanding, I DO feel very guilty and isolated, and that guilt and isolation has created a lot of awkwardness in my relationships. I work with a lot of kids and parents, whom I know will miss me too, but I can only imagine how tough it must be to have a younger brother of only 7 not wanting you to go. I only hope, when he is old enough, that he will understand the decision you made and that he will be really, really excited to be able to visit his amazing big sister in such a beautiful part of the world!!

Thanks for the advice. I am having trouble appreciating it to its fullest, but I know I should be treasuring every moment I have left with my family and friends. I hope to visit them every 2-3 years after I move, but we will see how realistic that ends up being.

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Old 05-14-2013, 08:24 PM
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...Thanks for the advice. I am having trouble appreciating it to its fullest, but I know I should be treasuring every moment I have left with my family and friends....
Haha. I, too, have trouble appreciating the advice. Especially when I almost kill myself trying to get a cup of coffee in the morning because my brother has left his toys littered all over the freaking house (which I too share with my family for financial and lease reasons).

I take no credit for that advice. It all comes from my better half. He can be pretty wicked smaht sometimes

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Old 05-17-2013, 09:38 PM
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I am in sort of the same boat but our flight is booked so we kind of have no choice! I feel like when we told people we were moving they were all "ME ME ME ME ME". What will you do if you miss MY birthday, MY dinner, MY graduation, etc. etc. People only think about how it makes them feel you know? They don't realize how hard it is for the person who is actually moving. They seem to almost take offense to you leaving.

If it's REALLY important to celebrate your birthday and your friends birthday in this country, then do it. But don't do it just because it will upset your friend and your family for moving ahead with your life plans. I will say that you should enjoy (or try to enjoy) your time left here because you don't know when you will be back to visit or if/when they will even come visit you. How many times has someone said to you "When are you coming back to visit us?"

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Old 05-29-2013, 11:38 PM
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Thanks for the advice everyone!

My partner and I have come to a decision (after discussion with family and friends, of course) on a date. I plan to celebrate my birthday at home but leave shortly thereafter, in early July! So excited to be in his arms again!!

I have been eyeing prices for the past few weeks now, and it seems like one-way tickets from my area are pretty consistently priced across the next few months around $1500USD for one stop. Except the one day I wanted to leave just got jacked up to $2800! Ouch!!!!

Does anyone have any insight on how far out its best to buy tickets? Or which days of the week airlines typically post the lowest or highest prices?

Thanks again!!!

Edit: I do know to clear my cookies before booking as well and have been doing so regularly so that they cannot track my interest/searches.

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Last edited by queliwantstogo; 05-29-2013 at 11:40 PM.

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Old 05-29-2013, 11:43 PM
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Originally Posted by bashishot View Post
I am in sort of the same boat but our flight is booked so we kind of have no choice! I feel like when we told people we were moving they were all "ME ME ME ME ME". What will you do if you miss MY birthday, MY dinner, MY graduation, etc. etc. People only think about how it makes them feel you know? They don't realize how hard it is for the person who is actually moving. They seem to almost take offense to you leaving.

If it's REALLY important to celebrate your birthday and your friends birthday in this country, then do it. But don't do it just because it will upset your friend and your family for moving ahead with your life plans. I will say that you should enjoy (or try to enjoy) your time left here because you don't know when you will be back to visit or if/when they will even come visit you. How many times has someone said to you "When are you coming back to visit us?"
When do you leave again bash?

It sucks that people take it so personally. We're not "abandoning" anyone and moving doesn't mean we don't care about our family or friends. Everyone's lives ultimately pull them in many directions; ours just happened to carry us far away to happiness and support.

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Old 05-30-2013, 01:18 AM
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We are leaving at the end of September!

So for flights....try to book on a Monday-Wednesday. Like book the ticket that day of the week AND try to leave on one of those days. They are generally the cheapest. Where are you flying from and do you have an airline preference? I get Qantas Red Emails almost every day with sales they are having. Also, try to call them and book and you might be able to get a good deal. If it's not cheaper than online, don't book it. Another option is to place a bid on Priceline and try to get a cheaper price. You won't be told the time you leave, only the date. LASTLY.....the airlines that go through China are relatively inexpensive but I think the layovers can be something like 12 hours.

My advice...book with Qantas or V Australia only!

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