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Old 09-17-2010, 02:19 PM
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Ok long story but I will try and cut it down a fair bit! I am english and emmigrated to Adelaide in 1970 with my parents.(I was very young).I stayed in Australia for 30 years,until my marriage broke down 12 years ago(married to an aussie,had two kids together).My daughters and I decided to relocate to the UK where we presently live.10 years ago I met a guy(english)and later on married him.My daughters are grown up now,one with kids herself,the other at uni.2 years ago,I suggested OH and I return to Australia to live,OH agreed(he had been twice before)and we applied for a spousal visa.He was accepted,and we went back to Adelaide last year to validate his visa.When we returned to the UK,we booked our one way tickets for January (2010)and I started counting down the months.A month before we were due to leave,my husband announced he had changed his mind.Words cannot describe how hurt I felt.I was set to move,had already handed my notice in at work,my family were excited,waiting for my return,and then I had to ring them to say I was'nt coming!!!!Now I feel like I am at a turning point in my marriage and I really don't know what to do.I still want to return to Adelaide(and yes I have the funds to do it)but my OH still says he does'nt want to go.I don't want to stay in the UK anymore.Do I go it alone?Do I sacrifice my own happiness for his?There is a good chance my own daughters will return to Australia at some point,so if they go,I will apart from my OH technically be alone.I have been so close today to booking my flight ticket,and I don't know whats stopping me.I guess I am scared to go it alone????Can someone please offer me some advice,views ect?Thankyou for reading my post.I feel like i am going crazy!

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Old 09-17-2010, 03:45 PM
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Hi Pegasus and not your usual introductory post but you'll probably get a few views.
What you do is really going to be for you to decide and you're obviously going to be torn two or too many ways without your daughters having a definite timetable to return and I suppose it'll be needing to decide on just how close you are to your daughters and if they still rely on support from you as against no doubt your ties to your family in Oz and particularly if its parents involved for they are not going to be getting any younger either and the longer you leave a move back, the more difficult it could be to re-establish another life yourself.
If your marriage isn't going anywhere, that's another factor and I suppose if I was in the position it'd be just what the ties are to your own kids that would probably be the telling factor and perhaps you need to have some discussion with them about it, perhaps the younger one could attend Uni back in Australia being one issue.
Good luck, whatever you decide.

Last edited by Wanderer; 09-18-2010 at 01:42 AM.

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Old 09-17-2010, 09:28 PM
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Wow that's an unenviable situation! Sorry to hear that your hubby changed his mind at the last minute. Maybe it has something to do with Adelaide?? Maybe offer to move to another city?

Do you think there is any chance he would even try it out? I'm sure you'd need to be pretty comfortable financially to move from one country to another to try it out with the possibility of returning to the original one. Not sure if you're in the position to do that.

I'm sure you've probably already done it but I would say the only thing you can do is have a serious heart to heart conversation with your hubby and let him know that you want to go to Australia so much that you're considering doing it alone. Try to get even a promised trial 12month period out of him if it's possible. One thing's for sure, in these cases it's best to plant the seed rather than persuade. In my experience a man needs to feel it was his idea rather than him being forced into something!

I have an Aussie friend who lives in the UK with her Irish boyfriend... she wants to go back to Oz and he is not interested at all. I feel so sorry for her... and for you! What a horrible situation.

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