I'm not offended, whatnow, and I appreciate your feedback.
As you said, what matters when it comes to immigration is what immigration officials believe, and it helps to get different perspectives on what they might believe.
If they absolutely required 12 months of cohabitation in order to qualify for the de facto visa, then I think we would have to wait out his 12-month separation period, and then his divorce, then apply for a prospective marriage visa, and of course, get married within the 9 months following that. We could apply for the tourist visa in the meantime for visitation purposes, and hopefully renew it long enough to stay together until we qualify for the prospective marriage visa, and I don't think it would hurt our chances of obtaining a prospective marriage visa.
I think the biggest downside to that would be having to wait even longer before I can work in Australia. That is, if they allow me to renew a tourist visa and stay that long before applying for the prospective marriage visa. If they don't, then having that longer period of separation between us would be even worse. If they don't allow me to renew a tourist visa and I have to come back to America while we wait for his divorce to be finalized, waiting to be together again would be torture for both of us, just as it is right now, and just as it has been during our other periods of separation in the last 3+ years.
Since immigration does allow exceptions to the 12-month cohabitation requirement for a de facto visa, then we need to find out if they will allow that exception for our specific situation. According to their FAQ, I think they should. If they do say they'll allow that exception for us and we get it in writing, then getting a tourist visa while planning to apply for permanent residence in the future shouldn't hinder our chances of getting a de facto visa at all. In fact, we could probably be honest about the nature of our relationship while applying for the tourist visa, and let them know it's so we can be together while we're waiting for those 12 months to pass before we can qualify for the de facto.
I think there's a big difference between going there
in order to qualify, and going there
while we wait to qualify. As long as 12 months of cohabitation isn't required in our case, I would think visiting him on a tourist visa while we wait shouldn't be a problem. Of course, much can depend on the person who takes our case, as well as which side of the bed they woke up on that day, so it could help to have it in writing from someone at immi that we don't need to live together for 12 months to fulfill our requirements, plus we could always appeal if they don't decide in our favor.
As far as evidence that our relationship was more than just an affair before his separation, that might be a tough one to prove, so I think it's best to wait until he has been officially separated for 12 months. We have pictures, and we were kissing in some of them, but none of them included either's family, because our families didn't know back then. One friend knew about us from the very beginning, but neither of us has met her in person. This friend and I have exchanged physical addresses and phone numbers, cammed, and sent Christmas gifts to each other, and they only know each other online. Another friend knew about us two years ago and has seen in person how difficult our separation has been for me. Although they have known each other online longer than I've known either of them, they have never met in person. There are also several people who know what day we first met in person, have even seen pictures from that meeting, and know that I visited him late last year, but they were not aware of the nature of our relationship until after his separation became official.