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Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for almost 2.5years and originally declined twice for tourist visas as I was 17 at the time (I am Indonesian)>

Since then I have had multiple trips overseas to build a good travel history Japan, Thailand, Malaysia and was granted a visitor visa in JULY of this year, and again this week....

My problem is 4days after lodging application I was called by the embassy and they were not happy I planned to stay 1month but stayed 2 and when saying I had been granted this visitor visa, I was told they will not accept any other visitor visa from me and to apply for a partner visa 820.

As one would expect this is very sudden and now I am worried if I do not lodge my application for a partner visa which is expensive, I will not be able to see my boyfriend who is in Australia. (he works and studies full time so it is difficult for him to travel more than twice per year)

So my questions are;
-Is it common someone from Jakarta AUS embassy would be so forward in saying this? (I understand she deals with many different kinds of people and liar of course but just shocked on my second visitor visa to be accused of fly in/fly out and told I would not have another visitor visa accepted and apply for partner visa.)

- Does this mean I should apply for partner visa?
- If I apply offshore am I able to visit Australia or no during the processing time?
- for proof we have multiple family members of my boyfriends (siblings, cousin, friends) coming overseas roughly 5 times in 2years to see/meet me (plenty of pics as mostly girls and he has supported me financially since March last year.
- But he lives with his family and has no utility bills or tenancy agreement is this a big problem or should we not over-focus on this?
- if we were to apply for the partner visa we would have gym memberships, a joint bank account and of course the bank history of him supporting me financially for the last 2years be enough?
- any important information I should consider before traveling to AUS for Christmas in dec?
-with the 309 offshore partner visa can I travel to Australia or not during the application process time?
-Is it seen as bad practice to apply for 820 on a visitor visa (only second time in AUSTRALIA) but the difference in processing time would be good for such things as gym membership and other things that will show us living together?
- am I still able to travel and see my family with 820 in process as I do have responsibilities and love my home and my older brother is having his first child any day now?

Thank you for taking the time I know this was long and I am just really flustered by the pace at which we must plan since hearing this.
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