Relationship Breakdown PMV - Page 2

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Relationship Breakdown PMV - Page 2


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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 01-21-2015, 04:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Papi View Post
I sponsored my wife on a PMV. It was approved late 2013.

She came to Australia with her two sons soon after the visa was approved.

From the first week, I couldn't cope with her temper. Anyway, I put up with it and tried to calm her down.

Over time, the bullying and verbal abuse continued. She would go through my phone to check if I had any texts from females. She never found anything but it didn't stop her accusing me.

She'd get annoyed if my ex-wife texted me, when all she'd text me was important things about my daughter, for example pick up time from school etc.On one occasion, she smashed my phone on the floor.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I had to end the relationship. Everytime I asked her to leave, she wouldn't.

She went back to Colombia last November. When she got there, I told her in no uncertain terms that it was over, and that I have emailed immigration directly, and through our agent that the relationship was over.

I didn't hear from her after the first week when she was begging for me to re-consider.

Then, out of the blue, 1am Friday morning I was awoken by her calling my name from outside. I went downstairs, and she was accompanied by two police officers.

The cops told me that this woman is my wife and she doesn't feel safe returning home.

I was in shock. WTF?!?! I've never been abusive towards her. In fact, I've put up with alot of crap from her and I have witnesses.

A quick Google search tells me that she will try to claim "abuse", even verbal to get a permanent Visa which we are still waiting on a decision.

Now she is in my home. We are in separate rooms, but The tension and stress is getting too much for me. I have offered to move out and change the lease to have only her name but she's refused.

For the first three days she's been back, she was threatening me with lawyers and how I "abused" her etc...

Then she changed her tune to try to get back with me. I don't want to be with her. I have to question her motives for coming back.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

What can I do to cover myself?

I'm sorry to hear what is going on in your life and household but your partner came to Ausssie with an agenda based on what Uve written here. And it is because of people like her that genuine couples are suffering . But what I don't understand is that how can God allows fake partner or couples go through with no drama but let genuine couples suffer for nothing .
I have not seen my husband for 6.5 months now but when I see post like yours is breaks my heart .

We have a member here who has been separated from her husband for months due to external checks and they have kids. It breaks my heart each time I read her post

Anyway i hope things work out for you

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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 01-21-2015, 06:18 AM
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Make sure you keep ALL the texts she sent you - and any other proof you have of the problematic relationship. And then definitely get legal advice! The last thing you want is her being able to claim some form of alimony/monthly maintenance for her and her kids after your divorce gets finalised.
I'm not sure about Australian law, but can you get the marriage annulled?

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Old 01-21-2015, 06:46 AM
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What a stressful situation to be in!

If she is claiming any type of domestic abuse, feeling unsafe etc why is she choosing to live with you?

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Old 01-21-2015, 08:07 AM
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I think one thing you seem to have on your side is that you notified IMMI of the breakdown in your relationship when she was back home. They will see that it wasn't till after she returned to Australia that she started to make claims of violence.

You also have the fact that she is happy for her and her sons to live with you on your side. She can't claim that she feels unsafe but then allow her and her sons to live with you!

I would start a diary. Keep notes of EVERYTHING. Note the date and time she might be abusive towards you. You say she has changed her tune, obviously because she has a hidden agenda but try to note what you can.

Really sorry this has happened to you. It really seems to be happening far too often these days and it makes me very sad because it just gives the government fire power to make partner visas more expensive and harder to obtain.

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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 01-21-2015, 09:42 PM
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Thanks to all for your responses.

I spoke to a police officer who visits my work and he reckons I should play it cool, but definitely get a lawyer if/when things get out of hand.

He also told me not to worry because I was married before and that divorce went through amicably and there was never any history of violence/abuse.

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Old 01-21-2015, 10:13 PM
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If you can, I'd move out and simply end the relationship. Whether it will impact her visa, it's too soon to know. But I wouldn't put up with living in the same house with her and possibly the situation getting worse with accusations from her. If possible, try to only communicate with her via email so you have some written history that may support the fact that you've never abused her.

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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 01-22-2015, 10:17 PM
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I wish it was that easy Maggie-May. According to her, we are married and I'm shackled. And now she wants to make things work. and she'll "change".

When I communicate with her on whatsapp, she's like a different person. She doesn't react or respond to when I ask her about the abuse she gave me. She just brings up one incident where she tried to punch me and I held her arm to stop her and apparently her arm went purple from a bruise caused by me!
She says how I have a black heart and I don't have God in my life. But when I ask her, why come back to a man with a black heart, she says because she loves me!

I have a feeling she's biding her time and if/when her Visa is cancelled, that's when she'll pounce and claim "abuse".

I've decided to not do anything, and be patient and I'll play the ball after it's been bowled.


  #18 (permalink)  
Old 01-24-2015, 06:02 AM
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Marriage is a two-way arrangement, and if you want to break up with her you can move out and there's nothing she can do to stop you from doing that. You may need to continue financial support while you finalise a separation agreement and divorce (and perhaps that means also some financial support after), but she can't hold you prisoner in your relationship.

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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 01-28-2015, 10:51 PM
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Update: I've gone to see a lawyer. She's advised to get her out of my home with a DVO protection order ASAP. When I told the lawyer that I feel sorry for her as she has nowhere else to go, the lawyer told me that it's not my problem.

The lawyer is concerned that as her child is with her, she could play the "child abuse" card as some people are that desperate to remain in Australia after a relationship breakdown.

This world is truly messed up.


  #20 (permalink)  
Old 01-29-2015, 01:01 AM
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I think your lawyer has given you good advice. As you've said, some people are desperate to stay in Australia and if she thinks she can do that by lodging her own DVO or claiming child abuse, you need to protect yourself against this possibility as best you can. This is unfortunately the time to think of yourself first. Good luck.

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