Marriage fraud - Page 4

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Marriage fraud - Page 4

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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 03-20-2013, 01:18 PM
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Originally Posted by someuser View Post
I'm not sure I agree with that. My wife is from Kenya and I'm Aussie. I'm definitely handling things way better than her. I think it's just that everyone is different. I'm definitely a glass half full person and she is a glass half empty person.
Yes it's true the we are all very different. I was more talking about my relationship but also some general specifics of things he sees as part and parcel of life being from a 3rd world country that I find hard as it is not the same challenges I face.

I hope I didn't offend.

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Old 03-20-2013, 03:22 PM
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Not to stereotype, but it could also be a male/female thing. My fiance and I are both US-born, but he is much more chilled out about this whole process than I am. I am impatient. He is, too - but he seems to cope with it better.

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  #33 (permalink)  
Old 03-20-2013, 06:34 PM
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Originally Posted by CollegeGirl View Post
Not to stereotype, but it could also be a male/female thing. My fiance and I are both US-born, but he is much more chilled out about this whole process than I am. I am impatient. He is, too - but he seems to cope with it better.
Us Men Just Hide it Better :-D

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  #34 (permalink)  
Old 03-20-2013, 10:55 PM
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Originally Posted by melandabdul View Post
You know I think I have come to understand that as a 1st world citizen in many ways I am the weaker one in this relationship. Being from a 3rd world country he is used to adversity, having to fight for what you want, dealing with difficult emotions, life not always turning out the way he wanted or planned...or in fact not even having options to plan...just taking what you get.
This has been a big life lesson for me to see that in fact he is not feeling any less emotion that me, he is just trained in the art of managing it as it has been part of his way of life to do so....where as in a 1st world country if we don't like something we generally can opt out, shift up or move out...we have options so we are not as good as living with it.
At the end of the day I think we all know very well that every individual is different - my mother once told me a story about two brothers whose father was an alcoholic and abusive: one of them ran his own successful company, the other was homeless on the street due to drug addiction. They were both asked the same question - "How did you get where you are?". The successful brother said: "Because of my father, I didn't want to end up like him and I had to grow up fast." The homeless brother said: "Because of my father, the violence and instability of my childhood have destroyed me."

We all know it's an individual thing, but what you said reminded me of something.

One of my co-workers here in Australia is from Iran - he is here on a student visa. I am always most fascinated with people's stories who are from the countries whose reality I feel I know least about, and I feel with everything we hear about Iran on the news we never actually hear from the regular people. So I decided to just come out and be possibly rude and ask him what Iran is really like and what life was like there for him, and what he likes about Australia.

He said he enjoys life in Australia because he can actually make plans here. He said where he is from, from one day to the next people can get shot, businesses can get forcefully bribed, prices go up and down and food gets monopolized or used up. He said at home he can not make plans, there is no point or sense in it. He said everything was being determined by the seemingly random wants and needs of the government and/or military and you take what you get but you don't expect more - and that there is a lot of violence and a constant expectation of it. He told me all this with a smile on his face. I presume because that is the only way to deal with that reality in reality.

I realize others from Iran may have other experiences but listening to him did teach me something. I used to work for a small organization that builds schools and hospitals in Cameroon so I already knew at some level - but his way of dealing with things made me realize how little perspective most of "us westerners" really have on suffering, anticipation and fear. It may well influence how we deal with situations like this one - even though you can't practically generalize, theoretically it makes sense.
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  #35 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2013, 12:28 AM
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Nice post Nelly. Thanks for sharing xxx

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