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relationship breakdown

2K views 4 replies 5 participants last post by  jmcd16 
#1 ·
hello all!

Im in a very aff bad situation and i dont know what to do :( .
I came to Australia more than a year ago on a PMV then we got married last july, everything was going so good.
But slowly things started to change, he became so verbaly abusive, and started to smashed all the furniture every time he got angry.
And he always call me you are a fuc... cheap sl....t . coo.. suc..r
He drinks a lot on the weekend and he gets more violent so i just sit there and i try not to say anything.
He gets angry for little things like if i did not wash the dishes propely or things like that.
One day he called me slu... i slaped him on the face and he kick me back, he told me if you hit me i hit you back... :(
I proposed him to go together to a consuellor but he said is a waste of time and money :( so i dont know what to do!!! for one hand i would like to help him because i love him, but for other hand i cant he treat me like this....
I have a good job now, and do you think immi let me stay? im studying as well my tafe online.
Honestly i did not expect any of this and my heart is all broken :(
pls help :(
 
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#2 ·
maria11 said:
hello all!

Im in a very aff bad situation and i dont know what to do :( .
I came to Australia more than a year ago on a PMV then we got married last july, everything was going so good.
But slowly things started to change, he became so verbaly abusive, and started to smashed all the furniture every time he got angry.
And he always call me you are a fuc... cheap sl....t . coo.. suc..r
He drinks a lot on the weekend and he gets more violent so i just sit there and i try not to say anything.
He gets angry for little things like if i did not wash the dishes propely or things like that.
One day he called me slu... i slaped him on the face and he kick me back, he told me if you hit me i hit you back... :(
I proposed him to go together to a consuellor but he said is a waste of time and money :( so i dont know what to do!!! for one hand i would like to help him because i love him, but for other hand i cant he treat me like this....
I have a good job now, and do you think immi let me stay? im studying as well my tafe online.
Honestly i did not expect any of this and my heart is all broken :(
pls help :(
Depending on what stage your up to on your visa there's a possibility you can stay in Australia. Best advice and the only advice is to call up immigration and inform them of your situation. If your concerned as to what they may advise don't give out names or personal details but honestly if he's treating you like this you shouldn't stay with him to stay in Australia the outcome would be horrendous. Sorry to hear this has happened to you. My cousin was in a similar situation and the only way for it to be resolved is by involving the immigration. Under your circumstances they will do what they can to protect you. But if your husband is violent again before your situation is resolved you must call the police. Please take care and be careful.
 
#3 ·
Yes, inform immigration immediately even if you are afraid you might not like their answer. Never withhold vital information about the health of your relationship from immigration, and no country in the world is worth letting yourself get abused. I've seen abusive relationships and the deeper you dig this hole, the more power he gets over you - while you still have a clear enough mind to see it is wrong, cut yourself off from it.

You made a new start in a new country for the love of someone else... don't tell yourself that starting over for the love of yourself is not worth the same effort.

Just my personal opinion; abusers don't change. Drunks can sober up, but there are plenty of drunks who are not abusers - and abusers may tone it down or change their form of abuse, but while they still have someone who will love them regardless they have no reason to change. Don't fall for that trap, sweetheart. Every abused person thinks their partner is different - maybe they are, but as long as they have unconditional love whether they are abusive or not, why try? Simple human brain functioning... we start as kids and many of us never grow out of it - if it works, why not keep doing it? Just my take on humanity though... everyone has their own, I realize, each one valid in its own way.

No visa is worth abuse. I wouldn't pay for a visa with bruises even if it was a ticket to heaven itself. The road to a good life is not paved with namecalling.
 
#4 ·
The immigration regulations have specific provisions that allow a person on a provisional spouse visa (the first 2-year part) to be granted the permanent partner visa stage in cases of domestic violence, even if the relationship has completely broken down or the sponsoring spouse refuses to support the application. Highly suggest you speak to DIAC (Australian immigration) or a Registered Migration Agent to get all your options. But there is hope, and there are options - you do not need to be trapped in a bad relationship.
 
#5 ·
I happen to know someone In a similar circumstance. She was able to remain in the country after the breakdown and was even granted a permanent visa.

My suggestion is to contact a migration lawyer, keep a log of the abuse, and tell your immigration agent.

Definitely keep a dated log of everything abusive. These will typically work as evidence for legal matters... E.g. Immigration, divorce, or god forbid some sort of restraining order if it becomes necessary. Additionally, start thinking of people who might be able to confirm his behavior... For example, are there any neighbors who might be overhearing?
 
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