Separating from spouse and want to withdraw visa sponsorship

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Separating from spouse and want to withdraw visa sponsorship


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Old 03-17-2020, 06:35 AM
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Separating from spouse and want to withdraw visa sponsorship

Hello,

Unfortunately my situation is not a good one.
I have been with my husband for around 2.5 years in a genuine relationship. We applied for a spouse visa together and I had full intention of spending my life with him.

Unfortunately, he somewhat changed after marriage. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not perfect, I don’t like to play the blame game but the relationship was just not something I could see spending my whole life in.

There were little problems which turned into big problems because he never changed them. I felt lonely and there was just something big missing. Then the relationship was becoming platonic. I just didn’t feel there was anything there. Me being a 26 year old woman began to feel I want to leave sooner rather than later because i feel my clock is ticking (I already have a fertility issue). I don’t want to be the one to stay with someone just for a visa or something bureaucratic.


We are at the stage of the visa where it could take around 6 months to process. I have been trying to convince him to agree to separate for months. I tell him it is unfortunate that we can’t get the visa but I can’t just stay with someone for that and I don’t see a future. but when I say that he starts acting crazy, breaking things, threatening to kill himself, I even had to take a knife out of his hand that he was pressing into his own skin. He never threatens me Directly but manipulates me through harming himself.

We have been living separate under one roof for around a month. I have been trying to leave and withdraw the visa but he acts crazy and I’m so scared. I am supposed to submit updates information and new police check in two days but I just don’t want to do it. I want to leave.

Please has anyone been in this situation and has tips for getting out. I’m worried he will start blackmailing me if I withdraw the visa.


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Old 03-17-2020, 08:35 AM
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He's already using emotional blackmail on you by threatening self-harm. I strongly suggest you get on and quietly withdraw sponsorship. It's very important that you don't talk to him about it as he might turn violent and you're very vulnerable to his emotional and physical volatility. I also think you should find out about getting an AVO or DVO out on him as most of these men get violent when they find out their partner is leaving them. That's the time you will be in greatest danger. Be careful and do not discuss it with him any more.

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Old 03-17-2020, 11:32 PM
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Originally Posted by ZoeKaur View Post
.

We have been living separate under one roof for around a month. I have been trying to leave and withdraw the visa but he acts crazy and Iím so scared. I am supposed to submit updates information and new police check in two days but I just donít want to do it. I want to leave.

Please has anyone been in this situation and has tips for getting out. Iím worried he will start blackmailing me if I withdraw the visa.
It seems to me that you need three things at present. An AVO, a solicitor and the advice of an immigration agent.

You could be in real danger from him. He sounds like he may have NPD, hence the Apprehended Violence order.


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Old 03-17-2020, 11:50 PM
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Originally Posted by FreddoBee View Post
It seems to me that you need three things at present. An AVO, a solicitor and the advice of an immigration agent.

You could be in real danger from him. He sounds like he may have NPD, hence the Apprehended Violence order.
I have contacted our immigration agent and want to have an in-person meeting. A lawyer would be very difficult to get right now, because of coronavirus, and trying to leave the home, there's no way i could afford it right now.

I feel very apprehensive about the possibility of an AVO but will have no choice depending on his next moves.


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Old 03-18-2020, 12:37 AM
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Originally Posted by ZoeKaur View Post
I have contacted our immigration agent and want to have an in-person meeting. A lawyer would be very difficult to get right now, because of coronavirus, and trying to leave the home, there's no way i could afford it right now.

I feel very apprehensive about the possibility of an AVO but will have no choice depending on his next moves.
There are support groups online/phone for victims of DV or abuse and they will advise you and also free legal aid/advice is available.

Don't be apprehensive about an AVO, NPD people play on partner's fears and know which buttons to press.


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Old 03-18-2020, 02:01 AM
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If you are represented by a registered migration agent, there is not much to be gained by posting on a public forum.

From what you have posted, your RMA would probably face a conflict of interests and would have to decide which one of you to represent further, if either.

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Old 03-18-2020, 06:24 AM
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Have you considered getting councilor? It sounds terrible at the moment but there may be a lot of stress. It is bad timing. Because in normal circumstances you could try to take a holiday together on an island and rediscover your connection. Maybe take a drive to somewhere nice and create a mood of fun together? Then speak about your concerns. As humans we have the power to be the change, but it takes patience, understanding and love. Best of luck.


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Old 03-18-2020, 09:10 AM
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Have you considered getting councilor? It sounds terrible at the moment but there may be a lot of stress. It is bad timing. Because in normal circumstances you could try to take a holiday together on an island and rediscover your connection. Maybe take a drive to somewhere nice and create a mood of fun together? Then speak about your concerns. As humans we have the power to be the change, but it takes patience, understanding and love. Best of luck.
I think it would be incredibly irresponsible and potentially dangerous to go on a trip with someone you are afraid of, who is willing to self harm and may or may not be willing to harm you. Such behaviour (or threats of possibly behaving that way) shouldn’t be taken lightly. Clearly there are much bigger issues at play than feelings between the two of you just fizzling out a bit which may be fixed by trying to rekindle your love. I don’t think ‘having a bit of fun together’ will solve the problem you are actually facing - dealing with an unhealthy and possibly unpredictable partner.

There is support and legal aid available via phone and online so you don’t even have to leave the house. I recommend you take advantage of those services as no one in this forum will probably be able to give you the help you need right now.

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Last edited by 74123; 03-18-2020 at 09:26 AM.

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Old 03-18-2020, 09:46 PM
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Update: I went to the RMA and she gave me some tips and advice about withdrawing from the situation without informing him about withdrawing sponsorship straight away.

I feel better about it now. Now just to take care of my finances and moving out while i start to think about applying for divorce

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